"3 steps to help you achieve long-term fulfillment
The
positive psychology
movement is more than just an abstract theory. From its principles,
you can take concrete steps that can improve both what you do on an
everyday basis, but also your overall sense of fulfillment. You may not
always feel 100% “happy,” but over time, you will feel more optimistic,
hopeful, and able to handle life’s vicissitudes. I’ll outline some of
these steps shortly.
First, we should look at the difference between
happiness
and fulfillment. “Happiness” is a fleeting state that reflects your
enjoyment of the moment in the present. You can feel happy, if only for a
moment, for many reasons. You might receive a piece of good news, meet a
challenge you thought you’d be unable to overcome, or share a
laugh
with a friend. After the moment is over, you return to your previous
state of mind, possibly with a slightly more cheerful attitude. What is
the opposite of happiness? In contrast to the up of feeling anywhere
from glad to elated, it’s that feeling of frustration,
depression, worry, and preoccupation.
Mood states may come and go and in the absence of a mood or
anxiety disorder, respond to a variety of factors, some of which are
outside of your control. It’s normal to have those varying moods. We
don’t have to feel happy all of the time to lead a satisfying life.
Happiness is based on your inner state and if you live your life in
pursuit of happiness, you may very well find, over time, that your
feelings did not provide you with inner satisfaction.
In contrast
to happiness, a sense of fulfillment persists over time and in the long
run will contribute to your mental health. To achieve a sense of
fulfillment requires that you look within yourself and examine your
priorities in life, where you are in relation to those priorities, and
how you can achieve them. The priorities that will help contribute to
your sense of fulfillment are the ones not that help boost your mood,
but that further the lives of others. According to recent
research,
we all benefit when we give to others rather than giving to ourselves.
In this study, people who gave away a $20 bill that was given to them
felt better than those who kept the money for themselves. In my own
research on long-term fulfillment, I found that the people who developed the most
resilience and life satisfaction were the ones who devoted their lives to making a difference in the lives of others.
You
may be unhappy in the moment due to whatever outside factors impinge on
you; when those factors go away, you feel happy. For instance, you’re
crossing the street and a car goes by, splashing you and ruining your
favorite shoes. This will cause unhappiness. However, if the street
you’re crossing gets you to a place where you can work on an important
life goal, you’ll forget about those shoes soon enough and refocus your
attention on the job that awaits you at your destination.
Now that
you understand the contrast between happiness and fulfillment, let’s
take a look at ways you can apply this to your own life. These three
exercises can help you clarify how to separate happiness and fulfillment
in the pursuit of your life
goals.
1. Distinguish between what you think will bring you happiness and what will bring fulfillment. Take
a sheet of paper and make 2 columns: one for "happy" and the other for
"fulfilled." In “happy,” write what you believe would make you happier
in the next few months-- everything from a job promotion to a tidier
kitchen. Come up with another list for the “fulfilled” column. Now
compare the two: how do happiness and fulfillment differ for you?
2. Determine your reality. Purchase
a pocket sized notepad, or tuck a 3X5 index card into your wallet or
briefcase. You can also create your own “fulfillment app” by working on
your mobile device. At lunchtime and before you go to bed in the
evening, jot down different events that occurred during the day and mark
them as H or F. Now think about how many of these incidents involved
objects, and how many involved other people. This exercise will help you
to see your own reality and what truly brings you a sense of
fulfillment. At the end of the week, compare this list with the list
from step 1, above. Has your perspective changed between what you
thought happiness and fulfillment meant to you?
3. Make a difference. Think
about your interests, skills, and talents. Are you currently involved
in any volunteer activities or clubs that provide a service to the
community? Maybe you simply have an older adult neighbor who could use
some help with lawn care. If your time is extremely limited, could you
donate an hour of your time just once a month to stuff envelopes for a
charity? Could you find a local organization that sends care packages to
the troops, and spend a few hours a month boxing goodies? You don't
have to have an extraordinary skill or a college degree to make a
difference... you just need to commit a little bit of time. Determine to
find just ONE worthy cause that you will devote at least 1 hour of time
to during the day, week, or month."
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